hair cuts and worry

So Sarah had a hair cut this weekend. I noticed that it was getting quite long, but really not all the same length and thought that i would look nicer and thicker if it was cut. Heather agreed and after a lovely day of present buying and an even lovelier walk in the park (it takes a long time for almost 2 year olds to walk the length of Dann park..it's pretty big) we went back with Heather to her place and i cut Sarah's lovely raven locks.  It's now a little bob type hair cut and it suits her. She can still have it up in pigtails but the last couple of days i've left it down as its looks so sweet. She was really good and didn't bat an eyelid really (Heather held her still while i was chopping). I've kept her hair and will make it into a paint brush....it's not as strange or out there as it sounds. Here it is traditional to cut of /well shave off the kids hair and make it into brushes as a "keep sake" ( i can't spell the word i want to write..doh!). There's tons of places that do it, but i can only get one brush made i am sure as i refuse to shave my babies head!

The worry in my life is that i will lose this amazing child. that on wednesday the judge will think i can't look after her for what ever reason they may give. I am really scared but am trying not to be...in fact i just try not to think of it. there is little well nothing i can do at this point. NOT one thing. ITs so sad and i don't think i ever want to adopt this way again. If and when i do adopt again i don't think i can care for the child for over a year and then have to go to court to adopt. Its way to painful. I am sure there are lots of people out there that are doing this or have done this but it scares me to death. My family are really supportive and i talk with the every week but still i would love it if they where here. To them i can cry and be scared and they won't care. With friend i feel some what obligated to be strong, as Tom would put it...i choose this didn't it. I knew what i was letting myself in for...ect... oh dear. 

Anyway. I will post photos of said hair cut and said brush all in good time. I may even write about the Sunday just gone, which was good and sad all in the same day.