Thanks giving, giving thanks

Ok, so i am celebrating Thanks giving this year at my good friend heathers house. I've not done it before so it's a little new to me. I also feel a little fake as i don't fully understand what it's all about.. from my point it looks a little like i am thankful that the pilgrims left England and found a new place, as we were sick of them....

I don't think that's true but you know it kind of feels like that.

Loads of people will be there, including an Ozzie friend of ours, so i'll not be the only non-american there..but i maybe the only Brit...(that they are thankful for leaving behind...)

I'm also a vegan so the big old turkey is a sad event for me to see, i'm use to it but still. I will also be keeping my darling daughter away from a lot of the "yummy" looking food as she's vegan too and is allergic to milk and egg anyway so even if she wasn't vegan there are no no foods. I will make a pumpkin pie for us, and anyone else that's interested to eat, i will also have apple pie she can eat too. Heather is always totally considerate and is putting together lots of vegan, Sarah, safe food so i suspect she'll be fine.

There will be a pot luck thanks giving a church on Sunday too but i don't think we will go, as there will be well very little, if anything, that we can eat and to see all the food and all the people eating it will be so hard for her as she doesn't understand...and nor would it seem do a lot of people that try to give her food and are offended when i take it off her or tell them "no thank you, she can't have that". Taiwanese culture is rather food oriented, to say the least..they eat a lot and they eat anything..so when they hand her biscuits or sweets or well anything i don't know what it is and i say "sorry but she can't have that" (and then in terrible chinese i try to explain why..) they feel hurt and rejected. i used to just take it and throw it away later, but now she's getting old, she's wise to the fact it's in the bag and wants in now..so i've started to say no. Which is not easy here...you have to say it about 5 times before they stop shoving it in her little hands and she gets more and more upset that she can't have it, and they  look at me like i am a mean mummy..which i am i guess...(i do always have snacks in my bag for this purpose and normally thats ok with her)

So tomorrow am cooking vegan pumpkin pie and roast potatoes...i tried to make potatoes last night and they came out well, much better than i thought as the potatoes here aren't great from mash, but they seem to roast pretty nicely..I have to make 4 batches as the Taiwanese style ovens are well very very small and a bit rubbish! As for the pie...i've never made pumpkin pie before and haven't eaten it since i was 9 years old...so we will see how that comes out!

Cuffed with arm guard a little O.T.T??

So we went to court yesterday. 

It went well..ish i guess, it's hard to gaugue these things when it's all going threw a translator, but still it seemed ok.

I won't be going back to court again at least that's what i thought i understood to be the case. Now we will have to wait to hear what the judge has to say about the matter.

We arrived very early and went for a coffee at Starbucks, where they are playing Christmas music, and Sarah ran around looking out of windows at buses, and i was trying very hard to not let her get dirty or to get a bump on her pretty little head. So that was fun, escpailly when she wanted to drink hot chocolate...put the raincoat on and then she could have a sip if i held the cup!!

Then we walked over to court room and arrive an hour before the time we were due to go in, and half an hour before we were meant to be there...it was ok, Sarah ran around like a crazy little 2yearold that she is, and found some fish on a desk and kept wanting to look at them...the women behind the desk thought she was very amussing!. 

I really thought and hoped that we would meet her birth mother and be able to talk to her before the court began or after the court but this was not the case at all. two mins before we were due in she came handcuffed to two police women and a third walked by her. She had her head down and looked like she was cry at any moment. It was really sad and i was worried for her. Then we were let into the room and She was uncuffed and sat oppisite us. she smiled alot and was looking and Sarah and i. It was great to see her smiling. She seemed to be happy to see Sarah. Sarah was of course wanting to run around and at the start got of my lap and did run around for all of a few seconds before i scooped her up. then i had to give her to Tom and he played with her while her birth mother answer questions. One being, why do you want to give this child up. she replied becasue she (as in herself) is sick, a drug addicts and in prison. The judge said you get out of prison in July next year, you know that adoption is for life not just till july. She said she new this and that she would still get to see Sarah from time to time...(not the best answer ever really come one, i mean the next question was bound to come). What if she moves back to England? But her come back wasn't too back, she'll have a better life in England than in Taiwan with me.

So you know all in all it wasn't too bad, right? i don't know. I am more than happy to have a somewhat open adoption, but with in the last 2 years she's spent most of the time in jail and just a few weeks here and there out. Thus i don't think i will get to see her often. Maybe she just wishes that this could be the case. I will certainly send photos, and if i live here and she wants to then yes she can see her.

She was then cuffed again and whisked away. So i didn't get to give her photos of Sarah, or to take a photo of her with Sarah or any of the things i thought i'd be able to do. I really didn't expect her to be under armed guard it all seemed a little over the top to me.

So i will keep you posted as to what on earth happens next! 

I am meant to get a letter or something telling me either way what has happened. Great huh a letter...seems a little strange to me.

We spent the rest of the afternoon together and had fun running and playing in a shopping mall, and we dropped the kitten (tabby) at the vet to have "The Operation!". Sarah kept asking where is Tabby, and pointing to go and get her...she forgot after a bowl of Dough wwarh...(ie sweet tofu, with red beans and ice...it's nice honestly!)

Thanks for all your prayers. I pray for her birth mother and that the judge will deliver the result quickly as the waiting will kill me! do they know what this does to a woman?? 

today is the day

So today is the day, my oh my i am worrying myself to death. thank you all for all your support and friendship. Tom will be going with me today as will a translater, so its a great help. Have to leave here at 12 and collect Sarah and then we are off. She will see her birth mother for the first time in a long time, i pray that she won't flip out and will go to her. 

I'll let you know how it went....

ps here's some cute photos from last Sunday. Sarah and her mate Lili lou

hair cuts and worry

So Sarah had a hair cut this weekend. I noticed that it was getting quite long, but really not all the same length and thought that i would look nicer and thicker if it was cut. Heather agreed and after a lovely day of present buying and an even lovelier walk in the park (it takes a long time for almost 2 year olds to walk the length of Dann park..it's pretty big) we went back with Heather to her place and i cut Sarah's lovely raven locks.  It's now a little bob type hair cut and it suits her. She can still have it up in pigtails but the last couple of days i've left it down as its looks so sweet. She was really good and didn't bat an eyelid really (Heather held her still while i was chopping). I've kept her hair and will make it into a paint brush....it's not as strange or out there as it sounds. Here it is traditional to cut of /well shave off the kids hair and make it into brushes as a "keep sake" ( i can't spell the word i want to write..doh!). There's tons of places that do it, but i can only get one brush made i am sure as i refuse to shave my babies head!

The worry in my life is that i will lose this amazing child. that on wednesday the judge will think i can't look after her for what ever reason they may give. I am really scared but am trying not to be...in fact i just try not to think of it. there is little well nothing i can do at this point. NOT one thing. ITs so sad and i don't think i ever want to adopt this way again. If and when i do adopt again i don't think i can care for the child for over a year and then have to go to court to adopt. Its way to painful. I am sure there are lots of people out there that are doing this or have done this but it scares me to death. My family are really supportive and i talk with the every week but still i would love it if they where here. To them i can cry and be scared and they won't care. With friend i feel some what obligated to be strong, as Tom would put it...i choose this didn't it. I knew what i was letting myself in for...ect... oh dear. 

Anyway. I will post photos of said hair cut and said brush all in good time. I may even write about the Sunday just gone, which was good and sad all in the same day. 

Winter is here and Sarah's getting too heavy

Ok so it's no suprise, winter/autumn is here, however a week ago we were wearing shorts and t-shirts and it was still summer. Then bang the next day it was freezing...(well not really freezing but cold!).

Here in Taiwan we are lucky, we have a very long and hot summer. This is lucky if like me you hate the cold. However when the temperature drops below 20 its really cold, inside and out and that i think is the big deal. You may say well it gets below freezing here, and there is snow ect...but at least you go home and its WARM..and dry (it is also damp here all so its not a crisp dry feeling but a soggy wet dog kind of feel and often smell..)

Here the houses / work places are not insulated at all...and they have NO heating. So when it's cold outside it is often colder inside (which funnly enough is the same as summer, as the air con is blasting away making inside very cold when the out side is boiling. However now it's not a matter flicking a switch to feel warm again, you have to wear tons of clothes to work, watch tv, play with your kids ect)... I've had a week of it and i am over it!

Also some days it has been hot one minute then 1o minutes later its freezing...which makes dressing a nightmare, and this year i have to dress myself and my dd! It is little wonder that we have all been sick for week. This changing temp isn't pleasant. 

Also with all the clothes Sarah's wearing now she is over 10kg...which is getting to be too heavy for me to carry around. I was blessed and still am with a daughter that is tiny for her again, well not tiny but light. Since she's been with me she's gained lots of weight..which is wonderful on one hand but on the other (or even with both) its too heavy for me. I dread the day when i can't carry her and i think that this is around the corner. i dread it as the buses are not buggy friendly, at least 3 stairs to climb, and thus i'd have to get her to walk...which is SLOW!! and i don't like to walk slow..i am often in a mad rush to get anywhere, so it sucks.

I don't know what i will do when that day comes but i guess i will have to put a pair of skates on her and wheel her every where..or maybe a skateboard. (as i said the buggy doesn't really work as then i have to carry the buggy and her up the stairs to the bus and down again...i suspect i will do that but what a drag.)

Ho hum.

Can't wait for summer...not long now i guess!

kodak moments...but no kodak!

So yesterday Sarah was so cute, and i didn't have a camera..it was "kodak moments", but i guess i will just have to remember it.

Two thing, one was she eat all her dinner...(this is not normal for her it's often a fight to get her to eat enough), when she finished i said well done, and went to pick something off the floor i turned around and i she was sat there SO proud with the bowl on her head! very funny. i don't know where she learnt to do that but it was funny as. She then said "Hat!" and was laughing at herself. ..needless to say i had to wash her hair as it was covered in noodle fragments!

Later i put her to bed and i sang a song i always sing, i stopped put her to bed and left. Then she started to cry so i went back in, she wanted to be held like a baby again (which she never did as a baby, and has only just started to let me do for longer than a min), so i rock her quietly and she takes the dummy out of her mouth and started to sing, interjecting with a few of the lyrics. So cute, she's never done that before. So i of course sang back to her, my little baby girl, who is getting so big so quick, it's truly amazing how fast they grow.

Coin's shouldn't be eaten...

So i was reminded yesterday (from someone else's blog entry, who's kid was choking on some food) about Sarah's choking events and thought i'd write them down...not that i will forget them easily but you never know.

So the first time it happened she was in her high chair (strapped in with a tray in front of her)...She was with Tom and i was in the kitchen, he just gave her some Mango Bin shard (blended mango with ice) and she started to choke, tom screamed at me and i in a kind of slow mo reassured her as i was frantically trying to free her from the high chair (why they don't have a quick release i don't know!). So i tried to stay as calm as possible and was hitting her on the back, then folding her over my knee and waking her on the back and out flew a peice of ice...whew! it was so scary but in the back of my mind it will melt and thus come out....

A week later she decided to eat a 5nt coin...yes a coin (i still don't know where she got it from but still she ate it). She was playing and then i hear coughing (i was in the kitchen...i seem to be in there often!) i run out and ask her to say mummy to me, (i wanted to see if she was really choking or just coughing....maybe not the best idea) anyway she said "errhh...ummy" so i start to hit her on the back, this time my heart is really racing as i knew full well that it wasn't ice this time! oh my oh my i was so so scared, and praying over and over please let her be ok please!! I was waking her on the back but it wasn't working, i had to stop (for all of a milli second) and think what to do, so i bent her over and then waked her...out came a slimy 5 nt coin. oh my it was horrible. so frightening. I hugged her and hugged her and didn't want to put her down. It was impossible for me to tell her off at this point, i was just so happy she was ok. Why do kid's do that, it just freaks us out i tell you. I have to say that she hasn't choked since...and i pray she won't again. God was looking after her and keeping me calm enough to know what to do. Praise the Lord!

Franklin Graham festival

 Me, Sarah, Heather, lilly, Anna and Tilly!
Children's Day at the Taipei Franklin Graham festival.






So my dear friends Heather and Chad are here to set up the Franklin Graham festival, which happened last week. We went to the Sunday nights childrens thing on the 26th november, but at the time Sarah was just getting over some stomach virus...which left me at one point covered in noodles..pre-digested noodles...

Anyway, i wanted to go to the friday night music night but couldn't due to Sarah being ill, this time a throat infection. So on Sunday we took it really easy, didn't go to church (for the second Sunday in a row..which is rather rare for us), and Sarah slept a lot and by the afternoon seems fine, as she was jumpping all over the house. So i figure we will just get a cab and go for a little bit and see how she is, she may as well be jumpping there! We went and meet up with Heather and the family and then Ann and her hubby Steve joined us later with little Tilly. We had lovely evening with the kids running around and playing with toys (not to self: balls aren't a good idea at such an event!). I got to listen to the gospal and see lots of people hear it for hte first time. which is pretty amazing really. I don't know how many where there but it was a LOT of people!

Afterward we found that one of the members of Heathers family, the kids YaYa lost her purse. which was a real downer on the evening. We tried to look for it but to no avail. I felt really bad for her as this kind of thing normally happens to me. So i can understand how annoying it really is.

Some good news was that Katrina the woman that translated for me in court, is able to translate for my friends Dayla and Sean on Tuesday. They are off to court for their third son. I pray for them as i know it's such a scary time.

  Its almost impossible to get them all sat down at the same time...let alone looking the right way! 

hunting for spiders..in the zoo

 looking for spiders

We as in Tom Sarah and I all went to the Zoo on Saturday. It's the first time i've had with Tom and Sarah alone in a long long time. We don't often get to do stuff at the weekends as Tom is busy with his folks, play golf and the alike. 

So when he said we could spend the day together we had to decide what to do. There was mountain climbing / hill climbing, there was cycling along the river and then the zoo. I figured that Sarah wasn't feeling so great so mountain climbing would entail me (or Tom) carrying Sarah up a mountain...(there's lots of Stairs its not really a mountain more a hill with a walk way). I ruled that out. So we tried to hire a bike with a kid seat...but no luck where we tried. So we went to the zoo. which happens to be next to the bike hire place so very convenient.

Sarah was asleep at the start and Tom and i got to chat about adaption of plant and animal and how it's all so amazing ect...(biologist talking!) 

Then she woke so we went to the insect house which is quite nice...bar the dead insects mounted on plagues. They have a butterfly area with real living butterflies...we spent most of the time in there. Sarah loved it and learnt the sign for butterfly (not 100% right but close!). She also went hunting for spiders. she loves spiders and calls almost everything small and black a spider! the love is all from Itsy bitsy spider song i guess. We got some lovely shots of the butterflies as you can get so close to them...they are a tad drowsy, which makes me question what they feed them! (can you tell i don't trust zoos...)

 

Sarah had a little bit of a fever the night before but was playing and seemed alright. She's been scratching her ear really badly (eczema) and i started to think maybe it was infected. she also had an enlarged gland behind her ear (a little lump that comes up often in kids it's the immune system working hard /over reacting). I wasn't too worried as she was acting quite normal..

later she seemed really hot, and started to act out a bit more and her ear was bright red. So we took her to the hospital near by to check she didn't need antibiotics for her ear. However it turns out she has a throat infection. Poor thing i didn't even have a clue she had a sore throat. its so sad when they can't tell you these things. so i gave her some ice (she loves eating ice) and some medication (pain killers) and she was feeling a little more normal.

Tom took us home and Sarah and i had a restless night, and didn't get to go to the franklin graham festival music night.

New Teva's

I have new Tevas, they look like this: i haven't got a photo yet as the battery has run out on the camera and i forgot to charge it...

I am just glad to have new Sandals that won't be falling of my feet any time soon. 

As a kid i'd always take my new shoes to bed with me...i'm not too sure why but i guess i thought it was pretty cool that they are so clean and new you can take them to bed with you....needless to say i didn't take my Teva's to bed with me....as i wore them as soon as i (tom) paid for them!

The woman in the shoe said that i must have worn the last pair everyday...well she's right i guess. She also said i have very long narrow feet...ok they are narrow but the length is average in the UK...in Taiwan however it's the size of mens shoes! great huh. 

If i had to name just one thing i hate about living in asian its feeling so darn huge all the time (there are way more than just one but this it at the top of my list!). Everything i buy is XL or XXL in some cases..when to get a swimming costume and the woman looked me up and down and said XL maybe XXL!..it makes me sick. 

I therefore avoid buying any clothes as its just so embarrassing, and make me feel rubbish for the whole day. I'm just glad that i am too busy to think about what it mean and not to panic about the fact that everyone sees me as huge here, also i feel so bad for other westerners here that are bigger than me as i am sure they feel just as bad about themselves. I also console myself in the fact that its genetics oh and the diet your mother fed you as a kid! yep when in doubt blame your parents!