Boxing day zoo trip.

Taking 7 kids to the zoo, may sound a little crazy but with 4 mums it wasn't so bad.

So the day after Christmas a friend needed to take a trip to collect their youngest sons passport ect..their adoption had just been completed (yeah for them). So they need someone too take care of their older two while they did that. So heather and i said we'd help...well heather said yes and i said i'd help her.

So against out better judgement, we thought that we would go to the zoo, Heather had already planned to go with her other friend and her little girl. So in the morning we get ready and well we head for the MRT...with 7 kids under 5 

Ok so we have 4 adults, and 7 kids, we had four pushchairs, one a double, and thus just two of the kids had to walk. older ones (3 and 5) and lots of snacks to eat while we are there.

It took us about an hour to get to the zoo, via mrt...in which almost all the kids (bar the two borrowed boys) complained about. The boys where so well behaved it was amazing, such sweet kids. they asked where their mum was a couple of times but didn't complain too much.

So we got there and the first thing that i do is try to get name tags for them all (it's a wrist band that you write your number on and thus if lost they can find the owner...) so i put my name down for all the kids...not sure that is the best idea, should have put Heathers down!

Fortune has it we didn't need them. The kids were good, apart from the fact that the older two  wanted to sit in the pushchairs the whole time, and the younger ones not wanting in the pushchair...thus it took us a long time to get anyway and we'd often have to split up and let others go ahead...as some kids would run ahead and other refuse to move...

Sarah was dead happy looking and finding i might add, spiders and caterpillars and other such bugs. when she did notice the animals behind bars (well not always bars but you know), then she was find some leaf on the floor and try and coo them to come over..like you would a stray dog...needless to say they didn't come, or even notice what she was doing, but she tried..and then placed the leave down on the wall/bar ect..

Very cute. my little girl so good with animals, i am glad that she likes bugs so much i don't know what i'd do with a kid that is scared of them.  trying to get a photo of all the kids was not on the cards...no way..they were all over the place. they had fun, Nykolas the oldest was the only one that didn't really seem to be so happy, due to being over tierd. but the rest were ok...even if i did have to fight sarah to sit in the buggy at times...i never thought it would be so hard to get a little (skinny) 2 year old to sit down in a pushchair...but it really is. physically it's a nightmare, and it's really embarrassing as they arch their little backs and then the buggy rolls away from you...not fun in public, i am sure all the other people are thinking i am such a rubbish mother.

But you know what, i don't care, as i am just so happy to be a mother! (i just try my hardest to be a good one)

  

Christmas day 2008

Christmas morning:

   

So this was our morning. We woke up...normal time as Sarah is blissfully unaware of the fact it's Christmas and that she will be getting presents...i am so glad of this fact, i am sure that next year she will know all too well what is happening!

So we get up and she finds a stocking...well my stripy sock.

Inside she finds a number of items, most of which are from around the house. one being a packet of biscuits...she must have seen them in the cupboard as when she pulled them out of the sock she told me, back mummy back...and tried to put them back in the cupboard...opps i didn't get away with that very well. She did this with the nuts too, she's pretty observant and smart really..more than i give her credit i think!

She found the orange and then she was happy, just wanting to eat that...yep my kid turns down chocolate biscuits for an orange. am i blessed or what!

Then it was time for her main present from me (it was her only present from me to be frank the other thing i got her was a set of jigsaws from the supermarket that cost about a quid!).  

So I'd "wrapped"her present in a bag that Sarah (my mate, not my daughter) made me a couple of years ago (she's wrapped her present to me in it). Well i normally use said bag to keep nappies in (its pretty covered in festive stuff, but is about the right size for 3 nappies). So sarah sees it and says, nappy nappy?? yes she thinks i've given her nappies for Christmas...along with biscuits and nuts  from the cupboard!

Then she open it and says, knit knit knit?? and reaches to put it in my knitting/ sewing box (i've been knitting and sewing all the gifts i've given to little people this year). then she says Socks? Socks?....at which point i am feeling a little bit like a terrible mother, but it's also funny. I then pull the whole thing out so she can see it all, and quit telling me what she thinks it is!

Then she says...SPIDEY spidey..and gets all excited.

I'd made her a spider from a pair of her old, too small tights, and her pink babygro (onesie). I don't have a photo of it to hand..i will take one tonight. i was too busy trying to help her get it open when she was opening it to take a photo! I'd stayed up till 2 that morning making the thing..i wish i was more organised!

Mum and dad sent her a parcel too, with crisps and vegan "smarties" in it, along with my little pony esc horses and hair stuff..she put the hair band on herself...can you tell?

Next year..i will try to be.

We then went to The Hammond's, for the rest of the day. which was great, so nice to spend it with friends and little kids. Sarah had a ball with all the kids new toys. 

For lunch we kept it dead simple and had soup and rice, which meant that we (Heather and i) didn't spend much time cooking, when we did the kids got to watch the computer with Chad...it was a cute side to see all the kids on his lap. so cute! I also got a vegan Christmas cake made, which was nice (not very Christmas cake like inside but they did a good job on the outside!). Heather also brought crackers which was great, but no one bar me know what to do with them...which i found a tad strange. the kids loved the of course..well little Lilli was scared of them but Sarah and the others like them.

In the evening we went out for a meal before church and Sarah had so much fun being loved on by some teenager that where there. It was really lovely to see, she was so happy Hamming it up for them. Its unusual as normally western kids would get all the attention and Sarah often gets ignored, but not this time. So cute.

We went to carols (chinese) in the evening Sarah climbed on the stage several times, as did my mates daughter mia. Very cute. 

We stayed the night at Heathers which was a blessing as we were popped...at 10 pm we all went to bed!

And that was Christmas 2008.

Christmas afternoon:

Onion Pants

My poor cute little onion pants is really sick with Chronic Renal failure, i brought her home boxing day (the day after Christmas), and i have to inject her twice a day with subcutaneous fluids. First of all it was with a drip and took over an hour to get 100ml into her...it was a nightmare to say the least. she would fight and struggle and it was just impossible to do alone...in fact it may have been easier alone alone but instead i had a little Sarah bear trying to "help"....

So we went back to the vet and asked him if we can inject it rather than letting gravity do the work...so we tried and it worked. within about 5 mins it was all done. 200ml that is. so i took her home again and tried at home...not as easy as it was at the vet, but do able. She's doing much better but is still so thin. She isn't eating well and vomits often so can't eat much. its so sad to see her wasting away, before she was always on the tubby side, now she's skinny. bless. We will have to wait and see how she gets on over the next weeks, the vet thinks that she might be able to live a while like this, but its unlikely that she will every be normal again. poor thing. At least i am not squeamish about injections!

little kitty

So as per normal we have another kitty. well we had, i should say. no she didn't die. She's with a friend now as i really can't take care of her the way she needs it...due to the fact that i work and she needs food every 4-6 hours and lots of care.

I called her Jam..don't know why just did.

My friend at church found her and  didn't know what to do with her...she has two dogs (she rescued from the street i might add). So i reluctantly went to see her thinking she would be about 3 months old (and thus not that much work). Well she wasn't she was more like 3 weeks old. bless her. She was surprisingly healthy, with no fleas, no worms ect..which is rare if they are street cats. So i suspect she was dumped that day. She is also beautiful too. Tri-coloured cat that is mostly white. So i figure she will be easy enough to re-home.

I have some people that i know that help cats and happen to live close to me, they have tons of cats that they help way more than me. she works from home so has the time to look after little one, so she said she would take jam. I'll go and visit her this Sunday. so cute, and Sarah loves her, of course. Pickles hates her and spits at her as soon as she think she is close by...no change there.

Amazing Christmas gift!!

So late last night i get the letter to tell me what the judge has decided...

and it says that he accepts that i can adopt Sarah! yeah!!

how cool, what a wonderful Christmas present. i mean truly the best ever.

There are still 10 day in wish the mother can change her mind...but it's not so likely. So i can celebrate this Christmas with out the worry that the judge might find me unfit to be a mother to Sarah bear!

I prayed and prayed for this and God has truly answered my prayers. I prayed that i didn't want anything else for Christmas, just this...and look what i got two days before Christmas.

So happy i could hug the world~!

I have tons of other things to blog about but i will have to wait. i have taken two days off over Christmas...which doesn't normally happy here, but i asked nicely (and promised to work Chinese new year). So i will be back next week with many a thing to add to this...i have to work now as i have to finish everything so that i can get these next two days off....

So this morning i showed the letter to Sarah...she read it and decided it was good news! she's very advanced to 21 months!

Oh my cat (Pickles) ate the corner of the paper when my back was turned (calling everyone to tell them about it)...i can't trust Pickles, she's so naughty. 

little Onion Pants is at the vet and has Kidney failure it's so sad poor little thing, and it means that Pickles is naughtier than ever with her to keep her in line!

my hated thesis

i hate my brain, i hate the way i do thing or not do things. 

I've had a Ph.D. pending for like forever now, and now it's way over 3 years now and i am, well at the same point i was this time last year...in fact i might be a bit worst off as new papers have been published and i haven't read them thus they aren't in the stupid thesis...ect..

You get the picture.

Every day i think about it but every day i push it to the bottom of my mind and refuses to think about it for more than a fleeting moment. Tom can't begin to understand how i might be able to let myself do that, but i can. i've done it with other stuff and i've been doing it with this too, it sucks as its my own fault and i am the only one to blame.

Every time i think about it i feel sick to my stomach really sick when i think about the logistics involved with finishing it all off. That fact that i haven't also makes me sick, like what the bleep am  i playing at. I am sure that Tom and i would get on way way better if i just did it and submitted. 

SO i am at an impasse in my life, i need to get it done or i can't do anything else. i need to move on but i have to finish this first. I was kind of offered a job today that would be teaching kids English and i'd earn about the same amount i do now, but work just afternoons, and have free (or almost free) child care. I want to do this as i want to spend more time with Sarah. The lady  will call me tonight to ask me some questions i am sure she will ask me my education level...i say Ph.D., but not really as i've not finished it off yet...that looks really bad. The major thing i have to think about is what if i want to go and live in the UK/ Australia? then what? without my Ph.D. i have nothing. 

Thats a little dramatic but what on earth would i do there. there is no way i'd teach english there...being so darn dyslexic i am not even sure i'll be able to here. 

I hate that i am disorganized and frankly a mess. i hate i get easily distracted by everything and anything. It's SO annoying, goodness only knows what it must be like to be friends with me, let alone my boyfriend. Tom is organized and i am really not, not finishing this has driven him crazy for over 3 years. i use to think Tom changed when i came to Taiwan because of Taiwan, but you know i am now pretty sure that its because i haven't finished my thesis and it eats him up. He tries all the time to get me to finish but i never do, i never listen to him, as he put it. I do but i just can't seem to get around to finishing it off.

So thats my thought of the day. i need to finish and i need to now or i can't get on with my life. This means i have to read and read a lot this mean that i have to work on it all day Saturday, this means less time with Sarah, but hopefully for a short time and then i will be able to have more time with her. I don't know if she will see it like that but i will try to remember that when she gets upset that i can't play games with her.

As for the title of this post, thats a gmail account i have for saving my thesis in...i guess when i decided to call it that i didn't know just how much i would really hate, and that i wouldn't have finished it by now already

Christmas tree photo

I tried to get a photo of Sarah with the Christmas tree but she wasn't having any of it...she was screaming her head of as she wanted to play with the camera rather than have her photo taken (and they tell me she's Taiwanese! if you don't know taiwanese love having the photo taken and love taking photos...it is a little strange how often i see people taking photos of themselves, or jumping in a photo just to be photographed)

So here is the tree, Pickles got in on the act.

And here is Sarah screaming on the floor...i thought i'd take it anyway.

Prawn cocktail crisps..

Sarah got hold of a packet of crisps...turns out she really likes them. so much so she tipped them over her head and continued to eat them out of her hair, of  her clothes and the sofa. Lovely. (ps these are the last packet of prawn cocktail crisps that i have left from Toms trip home, they don't sell these kind here...btw they contain no real prawn)

So innocent right?!

Shove as many as you can in your mouth before your mother takes them away ...and eats them herself!

Christmas trees, and love for a child

So Heather lent us there old Christmas tree, they up graded to a bigger one, so we put it up and it looks cute. Needs some lights but i'm on the case. Sarah put a small Miffy on the top of the tree, i'd brought it for her name sake but she seems to like it...which is strange as she never likes cuddly toys/doll ect... the only one she like / loves is her Spot. 

Spot has been with her for a very long time, and use to go to the orphanage every monday with her when i'd drop her off.  If you didn't know i cared for her for 9 months just at the weekends (friday as soon as i could leave work, till monday...as late as i could possibly be for work!). This was heart breaking, at first it was ok but shortly after it was horrible. On monday mornings as we climbed the stairs to the orphanage, she'd start to cry, then when i left her she'd scream and scream. I'd hear her as i forced myself to walk away and leave her, and then it would be me crying on the stairs. I'd go and visit during the week but it became really hard to do that as she would be so distressed when i left  and she's stay upset for the next day too (so i was told). so  i thought maybe i'll not do that as it was for selfish reasons i think. Of course i still went sometimes, i couldn't not go as i'd be thinking about her all day. 

Its amazing to me how you can fall in love with this tiny little person that you barely know. I don't think i ever understood what it was like to be a mother until you become one. I love her so much i'd die for her, i mean really i would. I use to think mothers were crazy to be like that before i became one. Sure i liked kids, i loved my sibling ect.. but this was something truly different. I started to think it wasn't normal to love a little kid this much but after talking to other mothers..it's pretty darn normal. You want to eat them up and not let them go, you really do. How weird is that! God is pretty amazing to put this ability to love a child inside of you, i guess without it we'd not look after our kids and they'd die and then where would the world be.

I am so grateful for Sarah and can't thank God enough. Now i want to go and scoop her up from the nannies and hug her...but i can't i have to work. it sucks but if i don't work...where would i be.  I am so nervous about the court getting back to me, they haven't of course but it so scary that they could take away this little person i love so much, even thinking/writing about it makes me want to cry.

Anyway i was talking about Christmas trees and toys and then well i went off on one which is no surprise to anyone that knows me! sorry.

I'll put a photo of little Spot up and the Christmas tree. Sarah will get a 2nd Spot from Heather this Christmas...i don't know whether to hide that fact that she has two or to tell her...i want two just incase i loose one and so i can wash it with out tears! 

I have a Panda, that my mother made me, its about well 30 odd years old now, and i still sleep with it. I love it to bits, as a child i'd take it everywhere and couldn't sleep without it...Spot is much the same, so i know it's pretty important to her. I'd hate it if we lost it as you can't buy them here..it would seem. hence we getting a second one from Heather (she found it in the US of course)

Best get back to work. oh we are baking gingerbread this weekend with Heather and Anna and the kids (all 5 of them). should be fun. I'm sure i'll have photos from that!

World AIDs day 2008

So today is world AIDs awareness day.

A lot of people here in Taiwan don't have a clue what the red ribbon, which i wear, is all about (often thinking its for cancer...)

I have been wearing one every year for a long long time now and normally around this time of year.  I should wear it all year round in Taiwan as the number of people that ask me is amazing. In England nobody ever asked me as it would seem that they  all know what's going on...even if the spread of HIV hasn't stopped at least people know what it is and that you don't catch it from toilet seats....

Hear mearly playing with a child who's mother has HIV is deadly...yep you got it, people are ignorant and terrified. It's totally amazing for me to see how people here deal with HIV and AIDs, it is some what like i remember back in the 80s in England. You know, everyone thought that you can catch it from touching someone with HIV, and that only Gay people or drug addicts contract it...Oh how wrong can a nation still be. In the year 2008 i still hear people talking like this here. They either have never really hear anything about HIV, or they think they know everything, yet in fact know nothing at all.

Most people with HIV here are shunned by society and even their own families turn on them and want nothing to do with them. The only good thing here, and yes it's  wonderful, is they all get free medical care...but at what cost? Well everyone who has, or might have HIV (i.e. babies born to a HIV positive mother), have to be put on a publicly available list...*(i am not 100% sure it's public but i know it's easy to get hold of as someone i know did...).

At university or any such place if you have HIV you can't live in the dormitories as you too much of a risk...yep i couldn't believe that. 

A group home for HIV positive mothers and orphans was forced to re-located due to the public around them finding out they where HIV positive. They went to court and the Judge, in his infinite wisdom, decided that having HIV was a public health risk to the surrounding people thus told them to re-locate. (Harmony Home is the name of the place just look it up it happened!) I've been there and yes there are a lot of people, and children i might add, and they don't look like they are going around sleeping with all the neighbors or doing drugs with all the neighbors!! 

A few of the kids are school age and it's been a big problem to find a school that will take them. Ones that do have someone watching them all the time they are there and telling the other kids not to go near them as they are HIV positive...nice huh. Some of the teachers refuse to have them in the class, they say that they are disruptive...but the truth is in fact it's often the other parents don't want them in the same class as their kids are in. I also suspect that all these kids do have behavior problems, i think i would growing up with HIV here where your treated like well to put it bluntly, shit. 

My dear daughters birth mother has HIV and you know it's amazing what a nightmare we have been through with finding a nanny to care for her. Even though my dd has been cleared of HIV for about a year....no one cares, they all think that she can give it to their kid, or that she might get it later and we just don't know yet...so naive, it never ceases to amaze me and the rubbish that i hear. And these people are the uneducated no a lot of them work in my building, and thus a lot of them have a Ph.D., and not in history or something unrelated to biology no in biology. (not medical but come). The orphanage she is from Garden of Mercy, has to be really careful not to disclose it's address as they fear that they will be shut down or asked to move. It's crazy really crazy.

I feel for all those who have HIV or AIDs and i am so so thankful that i don't, i know this for sure as they will not let you in the country to work if you have HIV. oh and when they give you the results its on a big pile of other peoples results so you can see who has and hasn't got it right there in front of you. there is no i repeat no privacy here in Taiwan!

Please please wear a ribbon this year, if not today then tomorrow as people need to know that you support them in their journey. Even if know one asks you about it its still a statement. 

http://unite.blogcatalog.com/  blogger unit for awareness to HIV and AIDs

http://www.aidscare.org.tw/EN/index.asp Garden of mercy...not much information but still had to add it.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/6066242.stm  news report about Harmony home

http://www.hhat.org:8080/hhat/taiwan.html Harmony homes website