Spot has been with her for a very long time, and use to go to the orphanage every monday with her when i'd drop her off. If you didn't know i cared for her for 9 months just at the weekends (friday as soon as i could leave work, till monday...as late as i could possibly be for work!). This was heart breaking, at first it was ok but shortly after it was horrible. On monday mornings as we climbed the stairs to the orphanage, she'd start to cry, then when i left her she'd scream and scream. I'd hear her as i forced myself to walk away and leave her, and then it would be me crying on the stairs. I'd go and visit during the week but it became really hard to do that as she would be so distressed when i left and she's stay upset for the next day too (so i was told). so i thought maybe i'll not do that as it was for selfish reasons i think. Of course i still went sometimes, i couldn't not go as i'd be thinking about her all day.
Its amazing to me how you can fall in love with this tiny little person that you barely know. I don't think i ever understood what it was like to be a mother until you become one. I love her so much i'd die for her, i mean really i would. I use to think mothers were crazy to be like that before i became one. Sure i liked kids, i loved my sibling ect.. but this was something truly different. I started to think it wasn't normal to love a little kid this much but after talking to other mothers..it's pretty darn normal. You want to eat them up and not let them go, you really do. How weird is that! God is pretty amazing to put this ability to love a child inside of you, i guess without it we'd not look after our kids and they'd die and then where would the world be.
I am so grateful for Sarah and can't thank God enough. Now i want to go and scoop her up from the nannies and hug her...but i can't i have to work. it sucks but if i don't work...where would i be. I am so nervous about the court getting back to me, they haven't of course but it so scary that they could take away this little person i love so much, even thinking/writing about it makes me want to cry.
Anyway i was talking about Christmas trees and toys and then well i went off on one which is no surprise to anyone that knows me! sorry.
I'll put a photo of little Spot up and the Christmas tree. Sarah will get a 2nd Spot from Heather this Christmas...i don't know whether to hide that fact that she has two or to tell her...i want two just incase i loose one and so i can wash it with out tears!
I have a Panda, that my mother made me, its about well 30 odd years old now, and i still sleep with it. I love it to bits, as a child i'd take it everywhere and couldn't sleep without it...Spot is much the same, so i know it's pretty important to her. I'd hate it if we lost it as you can't buy them here..it would seem. hence we getting a second one from Heather (she found it in the US of course)
Best get back to work. oh we are baking gingerbread this weekend with Heather and Anna and the kids (all 5 of them). should be fun. I'm sure i'll have photos from that!
1 comment:
We are doing our tree this weekend too. I did not know you went so long having Sarah only on weekends- how awful! For both of you!
I cannot believe the court has not sent your notice yet. I am sure it will be ok but I am crossing my fingers just in case!
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