Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Big old rant...sorry

So now i am on the train / mrt to go to the other side of town / city to go to work. Tom came and gave us a lift, which is nice as its raining out there, and I feel like rubbish (there’s a better word out there but I don’t like to swear). I have my period, which after living in Taiwan for 3 years i some how don’t mind talking about. People talk about having their periods like it’s a cold…it’s so strange. They are totally reserved about many many things but that, they don’t care who knows. Gross right. Well I tell you living here for so long you start to change, and see things a bit differently, which is why I can now tell the world (well the 10 followers that I have) that I have my period and i don't like this monthly visitor on single bit..for many reason but at the moment pain is the top of the list! My joints get really painful just before and during my period, and it’s made all the worst by the cold weather that has come upon us this week. Last week was so nice and sunny I thought that spring had sprung…but I guess I was wrong.
I’ve not talked about this before here so those that don't know me know me (in the "real world") won't know that i have lived with chronic joint pain for years, it started when I was teen and continued. It got much worst at one point and I was in a wheelchair to go anywhere more that a few steps. I started to get a bit better after I went to a pain management course in London, for people with my condition. It got amazingly better when i moved to a hotter country, like now i don't uses chruches or anything i don't even limp...well not often (once a month, and if it's really cold)
I have hypermobility, which I think is a bit of an ironic name as it sounds like I am super mobile when the reality is that it makes you want to stay still and not move because it causes so much pain. The name comes from the fact that my joints are all very very flexible…too flexible. So they are weak and that some how causes pain…they aren’t really sure why it causes pain it just does. It’s genetic so my family have the same thing..i just seem to have had it the worst. Two of my sisters have had problems with it and my lovely Nephew is sure to get it (he is mega flexible to the point that when doing a handstand his dad says bend you elbows, no not that way the other way…gross huh). If I had know when I was younger what I had I would never have got so bad..but back then they didn’t know (that’s what they say). They told my mum that I was making up the pains I had in my, fingers, toes, ankles, knees…they never thought about the fact that they are all joints and maybe maybe there was something up with that. So as a kid I was no believed…great. It explains a lot of the other stuff that went on in my past. I’ll save it for another day.
So here I am tired, sleep deprived again, on the mrt going to my office (Starbucks) to work on my thesis and prep lessons.
Tom having given me a lift to work gave me a lift to the mrt too so I didn’t get wet. He asked me to get Mc donals for him (which I of course don’t eat), so I did. However the woman didn’t understand me and messed up the order…tea not coffee…so Tom has a go at me in the car, and tells me that I should have change it (I guess I should have but I didn’t want to keep him waiting even longer out the front of Mc. He hates waiting and I am often rushing in and out of the car while he is telling me to be quicker, or take you time why don’t you…great, you try getting in and out of a car with loads of stuff and a baby….however he never thinks i am rushing, and if i do and then forget something...well that's worst) So next time he will go in and get it himself...he tells me that, I tried and failed as per normal, and will feel rubbishy about it all day.

So why am I sleep deprived? Well my darling daughter has taken it upon herself, for way over a month, to wake up a lot at night and want to get into bed with me…which she does. The problem I have is it would seem that she is having nightmares or something of that ilk as she wakes herself up crying. Its so so sad to see. I don’t know what to do about it really. It happens at least 4 times a night and even when she is in bed with me…
So advice is welcome. Thank you.
The other problem I have which is why it has made it all the worst is that now I don’t get home until 8 and thus Sarah doesn’t get to bed until later than I’d like. To be honest she isn’t a bit tired, quite the opposite, she is as high as a kite, and would be like that until 11 if I let her. I try to wind (like, wind the bobbin up not the wind that blows) her down with a bath story routine ..but she is still bouncing off the walls. It’s a happy bouncing mind so it’s not too bad. She’s singing, dancing, laughing.. jumping ect… Then we sing and sing some more and finally she calms down enough that I can leave her to go to sleep. When I go down stairs I can still here her singing to herself..it’s very cute. However this take at least half an hour..which means I can’t go to bed!
I think the nanny still gives her two long naps, even after i asked her to just give her one...
So I need to move house ASAP. I need a new nanny too go with the new house (not in the I need pink curtains to go with the sofa, more I need her to live close to where I will be living). So the search is on…however it’s pretty difficult to do this kind of searching in a country that doesn’t use English as it’s primary language….and where I don’t speak, let alone read the language of choice. Ipso fact to I need help from Chinese speaking friends, who of course have mastered both English and Chinese and often a few other languages to boot.. I however can do a bit of British Sign language (2 year course when I was 19), and the smallest amount of French (Secondary school, for like 5 years….however I can barely say I am 11 years old…which I am no longer!), . I can speak a bit of Chinese, you know to get by but that’s about it. As for English, sure i can speak but writing..not the best, in class yesterday i couldn't spell areoplane...i have to write on the board not on the computer and boards don't have spell checkers..nightmare.
I hate that I have to have help here to do everything like this I hate asking people, it’s annoying for them and for me I feel like a extra limb that doesn’t move ie useless.
Sorry that was a long rant.
Please feel free to offer advice about Sarah’s sleeping, and anything else you wish to comment on… cheers.
ps in Taiwan they have wify on the mrt...how cool is that!

2 comments:

The Accidental Mommy said...

YOU GO RIGHT AHEAD and RANT. You have certainly sat through enough of mine! Anyway, it sounds like a horrible time right now! I have a lower back injury with nerve damage that flares up once in awhile, and is minor compared to yours, and it is so difficult to try to get through a day being pleasant when all you want to do is rest or scream!
I wouldn't worry too much about Sarah staying up late. Definately get on the nanny about naps though. I have no great advice about the nightmares. (Sorry, you said you hate to ask and now you are gonna get a crappy response cuz I don't have any good ones). I remember Teena went through a phase with them. The only thing to do is wait it out as far as I know. You could consider having Sarah just start in your bed, that might cut down on the going back and forth if she is already there. But on the other hand, every little sound might wake you up more. She might have less nightmares if she is with you, if you don't mind. I had Genea in bed with me when Teena was in the hospital, and she was throwing herself all over the bed all night long so trial and error I guess. I hope it gets better soon! A lot better!

louralann said...

Hi Paula,

I found your blog through Essie and have been reading through from your very first blog onward. I'm loving reading about your journey with Sarah. She seems like such a joy and blessing.

I just wanted to ask, and I know it's none of my business and you can tell me to butt out completely but it saddens and worries me when I read of some of the things you write about Tom.

I just got out of an abusive relationship and maybe I'm hypervigilant of nuances like this but having him say things like that, being negative towards you and not appreciative of the fact that you're even willing to go into the McD's to get something for him....it worries me. As well as when you lost his camera...instead of being happy that you're going to replace it, saying instead that you shouldn't have lost it in the first place...upsets me to hear you being treated like that.

I'm probably sticking my big nose where I shouldn't but even though I don't know you, have never met you or tom or sarah but after reading through your life, I dunno, I care about how you're doing.

I wish you all the best and if I'm out of line, I sincerely apologize.

Cheers,
Lannay