Boxing day zoo trip.

Taking 7 kids to the zoo, may sound a little crazy but with 4 mums it wasn't so bad.

So the day after Christmas a friend needed to take a trip to collect their youngest sons passport ect..their adoption had just been completed (yeah for them). So they need someone too take care of their older two while they did that. So heather and i said we'd help...well heather said yes and i said i'd help her.

So against out better judgement, we thought that we would go to the zoo, Heather had already planned to go with her other friend and her little girl. So in the morning we get ready and well we head for the MRT...with 7 kids under 5 

Ok so we have 4 adults, and 7 kids, we had four pushchairs, one a double, and thus just two of the kids had to walk. older ones (3 and 5) and lots of snacks to eat while we are there.

It took us about an hour to get to the zoo, via mrt...in which almost all the kids (bar the two borrowed boys) complained about. The boys where so well behaved it was amazing, such sweet kids. they asked where their mum was a couple of times but didn't complain too much.

So we got there and the first thing that i do is try to get name tags for them all (it's a wrist band that you write your number on and thus if lost they can find the owner...) so i put my name down for all the kids...not sure that is the best idea, should have put Heathers down!

Fortune has it we didn't need them. The kids were good, apart from the fact that the older two  wanted to sit in the pushchairs the whole time, and the younger ones not wanting in the pushchair...thus it took us a long time to get anyway and we'd often have to split up and let others go ahead...as some kids would run ahead and other refuse to move...

Sarah was dead happy looking and finding i might add, spiders and caterpillars and other such bugs. when she did notice the animals behind bars (well not always bars but you know), then she was find some leaf on the floor and try and coo them to come over..like you would a stray dog...needless to say they didn't come, or even notice what she was doing, but she tried..and then placed the leave down on the wall/bar ect..

Very cute. my little girl so good with animals, i am glad that she likes bugs so much i don't know what i'd do with a kid that is scared of them.  trying to get a photo of all the kids was not on the cards...no way..they were all over the place. they had fun, Nykolas the oldest was the only one that didn't really seem to be so happy, due to being over tierd. but the rest were ok...even if i did have to fight sarah to sit in the buggy at times...i never thought it would be so hard to get a little (skinny) 2 year old to sit down in a pushchair...but it really is. physically it's a nightmare, and it's really embarrassing as they arch their little backs and then the buggy rolls away from you...not fun in public, i am sure all the other people are thinking i am such a rubbish mother.

But you know what, i don't care, as i am just so happy to be a mother! (i just try my hardest to be a good one)

  

Christmas day 2008

Christmas morning:

   

So this was our morning. We woke up...normal time as Sarah is blissfully unaware of the fact it's Christmas and that she will be getting presents...i am so glad of this fact, i am sure that next year she will know all too well what is happening!

So we get up and she finds a stocking...well my stripy sock.

Inside she finds a number of items, most of which are from around the house. one being a packet of biscuits...she must have seen them in the cupboard as when she pulled them out of the sock she told me, back mummy back...and tried to put them back in the cupboard...opps i didn't get away with that very well. She did this with the nuts too, she's pretty observant and smart really..more than i give her credit i think!

She found the orange and then she was happy, just wanting to eat that...yep my kid turns down chocolate biscuits for an orange. am i blessed or what!

Then it was time for her main present from me (it was her only present from me to be frank the other thing i got her was a set of jigsaws from the supermarket that cost about a quid!).  

So I'd "wrapped"her present in a bag that Sarah (my mate, not my daughter) made me a couple of years ago (she's wrapped her present to me in it). Well i normally use said bag to keep nappies in (its pretty covered in festive stuff, but is about the right size for 3 nappies). So sarah sees it and says, nappy nappy?? yes she thinks i've given her nappies for Christmas...along with biscuits and nuts  from the cupboard!

Then she open it and says, knit knit knit?? and reaches to put it in my knitting/ sewing box (i've been knitting and sewing all the gifts i've given to little people this year). then she says Socks? Socks?....at which point i am feeling a little bit like a terrible mother, but it's also funny. I then pull the whole thing out so she can see it all, and quit telling me what she thinks it is!

Then she says...SPIDEY spidey..and gets all excited.

I'd made her a spider from a pair of her old, too small tights, and her pink babygro (onesie). I don't have a photo of it to hand..i will take one tonight. i was too busy trying to help her get it open when she was opening it to take a photo! I'd stayed up till 2 that morning making the thing..i wish i was more organised!

Mum and dad sent her a parcel too, with crisps and vegan "smarties" in it, along with my little pony esc horses and hair stuff..she put the hair band on herself...can you tell?

Next year..i will try to be.

We then went to The Hammond's, for the rest of the day. which was great, so nice to spend it with friends and little kids. Sarah had a ball with all the kids new toys. 

For lunch we kept it dead simple and had soup and rice, which meant that we (Heather and i) didn't spend much time cooking, when we did the kids got to watch the computer with Chad...it was a cute side to see all the kids on his lap. so cute! I also got a vegan Christmas cake made, which was nice (not very Christmas cake like inside but they did a good job on the outside!). Heather also brought crackers which was great, but no one bar me know what to do with them...which i found a tad strange. the kids loved the of course..well little Lilli was scared of them but Sarah and the others like them.

In the evening we went out for a meal before church and Sarah had so much fun being loved on by some teenager that where there. It was really lovely to see, she was so happy Hamming it up for them. Its unusual as normally western kids would get all the attention and Sarah often gets ignored, but not this time. So cute.

We went to carols (chinese) in the evening Sarah climbed on the stage several times, as did my mates daughter mia. Very cute. 

We stayed the night at Heathers which was a blessing as we were popped...at 10 pm we all went to bed!

And that was Christmas 2008.

Christmas afternoon:

Onion Pants

My poor cute little onion pants is really sick with Chronic Renal failure, i brought her home boxing day (the day after Christmas), and i have to inject her twice a day with subcutaneous fluids. First of all it was with a drip and took over an hour to get 100ml into her...it was a nightmare to say the least. she would fight and struggle and it was just impossible to do alone...in fact it may have been easier alone alone but instead i had a little Sarah bear trying to "help"....

So we went back to the vet and asked him if we can inject it rather than letting gravity do the work...so we tried and it worked. within about 5 mins it was all done. 200ml that is. so i took her home again and tried at home...not as easy as it was at the vet, but do able. She's doing much better but is still so thin. She isn't eating well and vomits often so can't eat much. its so sad to see her wasting away, before she was always on the tubby side, now she's skinny. bless. We will have to wait and see how she gets on over the next weeks, the vet thinks that she might be able to live a while like this, but its unlikely that she will every be normal again. poor thing. At least i am not squeamish about injections!

little kitty

So as per normal we have another kitty. well we had, i should say. no she didn't die. She's with a friend now as i really can't take care of her the way she needs it...due to the fact that i work and she needs food every 4-6 hours and lots of care.

I called her Jam..don't know why just did.

My friend at church found her and  didn't know what to do with her...she has two dogs (she rescued from the street i might add). So i reluctantly went to see her thinking she would be about 3 months old (and thus not that much work). Well she wasn't she was more like 3 weeks old. bless her. She was surprisingly healthy, with no fleas, no worms ect..which is rare if they are street cats. So i suspect she was dumped that day. She is also beautiful too. Tri-coloured cat that is mostly white. So i figure she will be easy enough to re-home.

I have some people that i know that help cats and happen to live close to me, they have tons of cats that they help way more than me. she works from home so has the time to look after little one, so she said she would take jam. I'll go and visit her this Sunday. so cute, and Sarah loves her, of course. Pickles hates her and spits at her as soon as she think she is close by...no change there.

Amazing Christmas gift!!

So late last night i get the letter to tell me what the judge has decided...

and it says that he accepts that i can adopt Sarah! yeah!!

how cool, what a wonderful Christmas present. i mean truly the best ever.

There are still 10 day in wish the mother can change her mind...but it's not so likely. So i can celebrate this Christmas with out the worry that the judge might find me unfit to be a mother to Sarah bear!

I prayed and prayed for this and God has truly answered my prayers. I prayed that i didn't want anything else for Christmas, just this...and look what i got two days before Christmas.

So happy i could hug the world~!

I have tons of other things to blog about but i will have to wait. i have taken two days off over Christmas...which doesn't normally happy here, but i asked nicely (and promised to work Chinese new year). So i will be back next week with many a thing to add to this...i have to work now as i have to finish everything so that i can get these next two days off....

So this morning i showed the letter to Sarah...she read it and decided it was good news! she's very advanced to 21 months!

Oh my cat (Pickles) ate the corner of the paper when my back was turned (calling everyone to tell them about it)...i can't trust Pickles, she's so naughty. 

little Onion Pants is at the vet and has Kidney failure it's so sad poor little thing, and it means that Pickles is naughtier than ever with her to keep her in line!

my hated thesis

i hate my brain, i hate the way i do thing or not do things. 

I've had a Ph.D. pending for like forever now, and now it's way over 3 years now and i am, well at the same point i was this time last year...in fact i might be a bit worst off as new papers have been published and i haven't read them thus they aren't in the stupid thesis...ect..

You get the picture.

Every day i think about it but every day i push it to the bottom of my mind and refuses to think about it for more than a fleeting moment. Tom can't begin to understand how i might be able to let myself do that, but i can. i've done it with other stuff and i've been doing it with this too, it sucks as its my own fault and i am the only one to blame.

Every time i think about it i feel sick to my stomach really sick when i think about the logistics involved with finishing it all off. That fact that i haven't also makes me sick, like what the bleep am  i playing at. I am sure that Tom and i would get on way way better if i just did it and submitted. 

SO i am at an impasse in my life, i need to get it done or i can't do anything else. i need to move on but i have to finish this first. I was kind of offered a job today that would be teaching kids English and i'd earn about the same amount i do now, but work just afternoons, and have free (or almost free) child care. I want to do this as i want to spend more time with Sarah. The lady  will call me tonight to ask me some questions i am sure she will ask me my education level...i say Ph.D., but not really as i've not finished it off yet...that looks really bad. The major thing i have to think about is what if i want to go and live in the UK/ Australia? then what? without my Ph.D. i have nothing. 

Thats a little dramatic but what on earth would i do there. there is no way i'd teach english there...being so darn dyslexic i am not even sure i'll be able to here. 

I hate that i am disorganized and frankly a mess. i hate i get easily distracted by everything and anything. It's SO annoying, goodness only knows what it must be like to be friends with me, let alone my boyfriend. Tom is organized and i am really not, not finishing this has driven him crazy for over 3 years. i use to think Tom changed when i came to Taiwan because of Taiwan, but you know i am now pretty sure that its because i haven't finished my thesis and it eats him up. He tries all the time to get me to finish but i never do, i never listen to him, as he put it. I do but i just can't seem to get around to finishing it off.

So thats my thought of the day. i need to finish and i need to now or i can't get on with my life. This means i have to read and read a lot this mean that i have to work on it all day Saturday, this means less time with Sarah, but hopefully for a short time and then i will be able to have more time with her. I don't know if she will see it like that but i will try to remember that when she gets upset that i can't play games with her.

As for the title of this post, thats a gmail account i have for saving my thesis in...i guess when i decided to call it that i didn't know just how much i would really hate, and that i wouldn't have finished it by now already

Christmas tree photo

I tried to get a photo of Sarah with the Christmas tree but she wasn't having any of it...she was screaming her head of as she wanted to play with the camera rather than have her photo taken (and they tell me she's Taiwanese! if you don't know taiwanese love having the photo taken and love taking photos...it is a little strange how often i see people taking photos of themselves, or jumping in a photo just to be photographed)

So here is the tree, Pickles got in on the act.

And here is Sarah screaming on the floor...i thought i'd take it anyway.

Prawn cocktail crisps..

Sarah got hold of a packet of crisps...turns out she really likes them. so much so she tipped them over her head and continued to eat them out of her hair, of  her clothes and the sofa. Lovely. (ps these are the last packet of prawn cocktail crisps that i have left from Toms trip home, they don't sell these kind here...btw they contain no real prawn)

So innocent right?!

Shove as many as you can in your mouth before your mother takes them away ...and eats them herself!

Christmas trees, and love for a child

So Heather lent us there old Christmas tree, they up graded to a bigger one, so we put it up and it looks cute. Needs some lights but i'm on the case. Sarah put a small Miffy on the top of the tree, i'd brought it for her name sake but she seems to like it...which is strange as she never likes cuddly toys/doll ect... the only one she like / loves is her Spot. 

Spot has been with her for a very long time, and use to go to the orphanage every monday with her when i'd drop her off.  If you didn't know i cared for her for 9 months just at the weekends (friday as soon as i could leave work, till monday...as late as i could possibly be for work!). This was heart breaking, at first it was ok but shortly after it was horrible. On monday mornings as we climbed the stairs to the orphanage, she'd start to cry, then when i left her she'd scream and scream. I'd hear her as i forced myself to walk away and leave her, and then it would be me crying on the stairs. I'd go and visit during the week but it became really hard to do that as she would be so distressed when i left  and she's stay upset for the next day too (so i was told). so  i thought maybe i'll not do that as it was for selfish reasons i think. Of course i still went sometimes, i couldn't not go as i'd be thinking about her all day. 

Its amazing to me how you can fall in love with this tiny little person that you barely know. I don't think i ever understood what it was like to be a mother until you become one. I love her so much i'd die for her, i mean really i would. I use to think mothers were crazy to be like that before i became one. Sure i liked kids, i loved my sibling ect.. but this was something truly different. I started to think it wasn't normal to love a little kid this much but after talking to other mothers..it's pretty darn normal. You want to eat them up and not let them go, you really do. How weird is that! God is pretty amazing to put this ability to love a child inside of you, i guess without it we'd not look after our kids and they'd die and then where would the world be.

I am so grateful for Sarah and can't thank God enough. Now i want to go and scoop her up from the nannies and hug her...but i can't i have to work. it sucks but if i don't work...where would i be.  I am so nervous about the court getting back to me, they haven't of course but it so scary that they could take away this little person i love so much, even thinking/writing about it makes me want to cry.

Anyway i was talking about Christmas trees and toys and then well i went off on one which is no surprise to anyone that knows me! sorry.

I'll put a photo of little Spot up and the Christmas tree. Sarah will get a 2nd Spot from Heather this Christmas...i don't know whether to hide that fact that she has two or to tell her...i want two just incase i loose one and so i can wash it with out tears! 

I have a Panda, that my mother made me, its about well 30 odd years old now, and i still sleep with it. I love it to bits, as a child i'd take it everywhere and couldn't sleep without it...Spot is much the same, so i know it's pretty important to her. I'd hate it if we lost it as you can't buy them here..it would seem. hence we getting a second one from Heather (she found it in the US of course)

Best get back to work. oh we are baking gingerbread this weekend with Heather and Anna and the kids (all 5 of them). should be fun. I'm sure i'll have photos from that!

World AIDs day 2008

So today is world AIDs awareness day.

A lot of people here in Taiwan don't have a clue what the red ribbon, which i wear, is all about (often thinking its for cancer...)

I have been wearing one every year for a long long time now and normally around this time of year.  I should wear it all year round in Taiwan as the number of people that ask me is amazing. In England nobody ever asked me as it would seem that they  all know what's going on...even if the spread of HIV hasn't stopped at least people know what it is and that you don't catch it from toilet seats....

Hear mearly playing with a child who's mother has HIV is deadly...yep you got it, people are ignorant and terrified. It's totally amazing for me to see how people here deal with HIV and AIDs, it is some what like i remember back in the 80s in England. You know, everyone thought that you can catch it from touching someone with HIV, and that only Gay people or drug addicts contract it...Oh how wrong can a nation still be. In the year 2008 i still hear people talking like this here. They either have never really hear anything about HIV, or they think they know everything, yet in fact know nothing at all.

Most people with HIV here are shunned by society and even their own families turn on them and want nothing to do with them. The only good thing here, and yes it's  wonderful, is they all get free medical care...but at what cost? Well everyone who has, or might have HIV (i.e. babies born to a HIV positive mother), have to be put on a publicly available list...*(i am not 100% sure it's public but i know it's easy to get hold of as someone i know did...).

At university or any such place if you have HIV you can't live in the dormitories as you too much of a risk...yep i couldn't believe that. 

A group home for HIV positive mothers and orphans was forced to re-located due to the public around them finding out they where HIV positive. They went to court and the Judge, in his infinite wisdom, decided that having HIV was a public health risk to the surrounding people thus told them to re-locate. (Harmony Home is the name of the place just look it up it happened!) I've been there and yes there are a lot of people, and children i might add, and they don't look like they are going around sleeping with all the neighbors or doing drugs with all the neighbors!! 

A few of the kids are school age and it's been a big problem to find a school that will take them. Ones that do have someone watching them all the time they are there and telling the other kids not to go near them as they are HIV positive...nice huh. Some of the teachers refuse to have them in the class, they say that they are disruptive...but the truth is in fact it's often the other parents don't want them in the same class as their kids are in. I also suspect that all these kids do have behavior problems, i think i would growing up with HIV here where your treated like well to put it bluntly, shit. 

My dear daughters birth mother has HIV and you know it's amazing what a nightmare we have been through with finding a nanny to care for her. Even though my dd has been cleared of HIV for about a year....no one cares, they all think that she can give it to their kid, or that she might get it later and we just don't know yet...so naive, it never ceases to amaze me and the rubbish that i hear. And these people are the uneducated no a lot of them work in my building, and thus a lot of them have a Ph.D., and not in history or something unrelated to biology no in biology. (not medical but come). The orphanage she is from Garden of Mercy, has to be really careful not to disclose it's address as they fear that they will be shut down or asked to move. It's crazy really crazy.

I feel for all those who have HIV or AIDs and i am so so thankful that i don't, i know this for sure as they will not let you in the country to work if you have HIV. oh and when they give you the results its on a big pile of other peoples results so you can see who has and hasn't got it right there in front of you. there is no i repeat no privacy here in Taiwan!

Please please wear a ribbon this year, if not today then tomorrow as people need to know that you support them in their journey. Even if know one asks you about it its still a statement. 

http://unite.blogcatalog.com/  blogger unit for awareness to HIV and AIDs

http://www.aidscare.org.tw/EN/index.asp Garden of mercy...not much information but still had to add it.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/6066242.stm  news report about Harmony home

http://www.hhat.org:8080/hhat/taiwan.html Harmony homes website

Thanks giving, giving thanks

Ok, so i am celebrating Thanks giving this year at my good friend heathers house. I've not done it before so it's a little new to me. I also feel a little fake as i don't fully understand what it's all about.. from my point it looks a little like i am thankful that the pilgrims left England and found a new place, as we were sick of them....

I don't think that's true but you know it kind of feels like that.

Loads of people will be there, including an Ozzie friend of ours, so i'll not be the only non-american there..but i maybe the only Brit...(that they are thankful for leaving behind...)

I'm also a vegan so the big old turkey is a sad event for me to see, i'm use to it but still. I will also be keeping my darling daughter away from a lot of the "yummy" looking food as she's vegan too and is allergic to milk and egg anyway so even if she wasn't vegan there are no no foods. I will make a pumpkin pie for us, and anyone else that's interested to eat, i will also have apple pie she can eat too. Heather is always totally considerate and is putting together lots of vegan, Sarah, safe food so i suspect she'll be fine.

There will be a pot luck thanks giving a church on Sunday too but i don't think we will go, as there will be well very little, if anything, that we can eat and to see all the food and all the people eating it will be so hard for her as she doesn't understand...and nor would it seem do a lot of people that try to give her food and are offended when i take it off her or tell them "no thank you, she can't have that". Taiwanese culture is rather food oriented, to say the least..they eat a lot and they eat anything..so when they hand her biscuits or sweets or well anything i don't know what it is and i say "sorry but she can't have that" (and then in terrible chinese i try to explain why..) they feel hurt and rejected. i used to just take it and throw it away later, but now she's getting old, she's wise to the fact it's in the bag and wants in now..so i've started to say no. Which is not easy here...you have to say it about 5 times before they stop shoving it in her little hands and she gets more and more upset that she can't have it, and they  look at me like i am a mean mummy..which i am i guess...(i do always have snacks in my bag for this purpose and normally thats ok with her)

So tomorrow am cooking vegan pumpkin pie and roast potatoes...i tried to make potatoes last night and they came out well, much better than i thought as the potatoes here aren't great from mash, but they seem to roast pretty nicely..I have to make 4 batches as the Taiwanese style ovens are well very very small and a bit rubbish! As for the pie...i've never made pumpkin pie before and haven't eaten it since i was 9 years old...so we will see how that comes out!

Cuffed with arm guard a little O.T.T??

So we went to court yesterday. 

It went well..ish i guess, it's hard to gaugue these things when it's all going threw a translator, but still it seemed ok.

I won't be going back to court again at least that's what i thought i understood to be the case. Now we will have to wait to hear what the judge has to say about the matter.

We arrived very early and went for a coffee at Starbucks, where they are playing Christmas music, and Sarah ran around looking out of windows at buses, and i was trying very hard to not let her get dirty or to get a bump on her pretty little head. So that was fun, escpailly when she wanted to drink hot chocolate...put the raincoat on and then she could have a sip if i held the cup!!

Then we walked over to court room and arrive an hour before the time we were due to go in, and half an hour before we were meant to be there...it was ok, Sarah ran around like a crazy little 2yearold that she is, and found some fish on a desk and kept wanting to look at them...the women behind the desk thought she was very amussing!. 

I really thought and hoped that we would meet her birth mother and be able to talk to her before the court began or after the court but this was not the case at all. two mins before we were due in she came handcuffed to two police women and a third walked by her. She had her head down and looked like she was cry at any moment. It was really sad and i was worried for her. Then we were let into the room and She was uncuffed and sat oppisite us. she smiled alot and was looking and Sarah and i. It was great to see her smiling. She seemed to be happy to see Sarah. Sarah was of course wanting to run around and at the start got of my lap and did run around for all of a few seconds before i scooped her up. then i had to give her to Tom and he played with her while her birth mother answer questions. One being, why do you want to give this child up. she replied becasue she (as in herself) is sick, a drug addicts and in prison. The judge said you get out of prison in July next year, you know that adoption is for life not just till july. She said she new this and that she would still get to see Sarah from time to time...(not the best answer ever really come one, i mean the next question was bound to come). What if she moves back to England? But her come back wasn't too back, she'll have a better life in England than in Taiwan with me.

So you know all in all it wasn't too bad, right? i don't know. I am more than happy to have a somewhat open adoption, but with in the last 2 years she's spent most of the time in jail and just a few weeks here and there out. Thus i don't think i will get to see her often. Maybe she just wishes that this could be the case. I will certainly send photos, and if i live here and she wants to then yes she can see her.

She was then cuffed again and whisked away. So i didn't get to give her photos of Sarah, or to take a photo of her with Sarah or any of the things i thought i'd be able to do. I really didn't expect her to be under armed guard it all seemed a little over the top to me.

So i will keep you posted as to what on earth happens next! 

I am meant to get a letter or something telling me either way what has happened. Great huh a letter...seems a little strange to me.

We spent the rest of the afternoon together and had fun running and playing in a shopping mall, and we dropped the kitten (tabby) at the vet to have "The Operation!". Sarah kept asking where is Tabby, and pointing to go and get her...she forgot after a bowl of Dough wwarh...(ie sweet tofu, with red beans and ice...it's nice honestly!)

Thanks for all your prayers. I pray for her birth mother and that the judge will deliver the result quickly as the waiting will kill me! do they know what this does to a woman?? 

today is the day

So today is the day, my oh my i am worrying myself to death. thank you all for all your support and friendship. Tom will be going with me today as will a translater, so its a great help. Have to leave here at 12 and collect Sarah and then we are off. She will see her birth mother for the first time in a long time, i pray that she won't flip out and will go to her. 

I'll let you know how it went....

ps here's some cute photos from last Sunday. Sarah and her mate Lili lou

hair cuts and worry

So Sarah had a hair cut this weekend. I noticed that it was getting quite long, but really not all the same length and thought that i would look nicer and thicker if it was cut. Heather agreed and after a lovely day of present buying and an even lovelier walk in the park (it takes a long time for almost 2 year olds to walk the length of Dann park..it's pretty big) we went back with Heather to her place and i cut Sarah's lovely raven locks.  It's now a little bob type hair cut and it suits her. She can still have it up in pigtails but the last couple of days i've left it down as its looks so sweet. She was really good and didn't bat an eyelid really (Heather held her still while i was chopping). I've kept her hair and will make it into a paint brush....it's not as strange or out there as it sounds. Here it is traditional to cut of /well shave off the kids hair and make it into brushes as a "keep sake" ( i can't spell the word i want to write..doh!). There's tons of places that do it, but i can only get one brush made i am sure as i refuse to shave my babies head!

The worry in my life is that i will lose this amazing child. that on wednesday the judge will think i can't look after her for what ever reason they may give. I am really scared but am trying not to be...in fact i just try not to think of it. there is little well nothing i can do at this point. NOT one thing. ITs so sad and i don't think i ever want to adopt this way again. If and when i do adopt again i don't think i can care for the child for over a year and then have to go to court to adopt. Its way to painful. I am sure there are lots of people out there that are doing this or have done this but it scares me to death. My family are really supportive and i talk with the every week but still i would love it if they where here. To them i can cry and be scared and they won't care. With friend i feel some what obligated to be strong, as Tom would put it...i choose this didn't it. I knew what i was letting myself in for...ect... oh dear. 

Anyway. I will post photos of said hair cut and said brush all in good time. I may even write about the Sunday just gone, which was good and sad all in the same day. 

Winter is here and Sarah's getting too heavy

Ok so it's no suprise, winter/autumn is here, however a week ago we were wearing shorts and t-shirts and it was still summer. Then bang the next day it was freezing...(well not really freezing but cold!).

Here in Taiwan we are lucky, we have a very long and hot summer. This is lucky if like me you hate the cold. However when the temperature drops below 20 its really cold, inside and out and that i think is the big deal. You may say well it gets below freezing here, and there is snow ect...but at least you go home and its WARM..and dry (it is also damp here all so its not a crisp dry feeling but a soggy wet dog kind of feel and often smell..)

Here the houses / work places are not insulated at all...and they have NO heating. So when it's cold outside it is often colder inside (which funnly enough is the same as summer, as the air con is blasting away making inside very cold when the out side is boiling. However now it's not a matter flicking a switch to feel warm again, you have to wear tons of clothes to work, watch tv, play with your kids ect)... I've had a week of it and i am over it!

Also some days it has been hot one minute then 1o minutes later its freezing...which makes dressing a nightmare, and this year i have to dress myself and my dd! It is little wonder that we have all been sick for week. This changing temp isn't pleasant. 

Also with all the clothes Sarah's wearing now she is over 10kg...which is getting to be too heavy for me to carry around. I was blessed and still am with a daughter that is tiny for her again, well not tiny but light. Since she's been with me she's gained lots of weight..which is wonderful on one hand but on the other (or even with both) its too heavy for me. I dread the day when i can't carry her and i think that this is around the corner. i dread it as the buses are not buggy friendly, at least 3 stairs to climb, and thus i'd have to get her to walk...which is SLOW!! and i don't like to walk slow..i am often in a mad rush to get anywhere, so it sucks.

I don't know what i will do when that day comes but i guess i will have to put a pair of skates on her and wheel her every where..or maybe a skateboard. (as i said the buggy doesn't really work as then i have to carry the buggy and her up the stairs to the bus and down again...i suspect i will do that but what a drag.)

Ho hum.

Can't wait for summer...not long now i guess!

kodak moments...but no kodak!

So yesterday Sarah was so cute, and i didn't have a camera..it was "kodak moments", but i guess i will just have to remember it.

Two thing, one was she eat all her dinner...(this is not normal for her it's often a fight to get her to eat enough), when she finished i said well done, and went to pick something off the floor i turned around and i she was sat there SO proud with the bowl on her head! very funny. i don't know where she learnt to do that but it was funny as. She then said "Hat!" and was laughing at herself. ..needless to say i had to wash her hair as it was covered in noodle fragments!

Later i put her to bed and i sang a song i always sing, i stopped put her to bed and left. Then she started to cry so i went back in, she wanted to be held like a baby again (which she never did as a baby, and has only just started to let me do for longer than a min), so i rock her quietly and she takes the dummy out of her mouth and started to sing, interjecting with a few of the lyrics. So cute, she's never done that before. So i of course sang back to her, my little baby girl, who is getting so big so quick, it's truly amazing how fast they grow.

Coin's shouldn't be eaten...

So i was reminded yesterday (from someone else's blog entry, who's kid was choking on some food) about Sarah's choking events and thought i'd write them down...not that i will forget them easily but you never know.

So the first time it happened she was in her high chair (strapped in with a tray in front of her)...She was with Tom and i was in the kitchen, he just gave her some Mango Bin shard (blended mango with ice) and she started to choke, tom screamed at me and i in a kind of slow mo reassured her as i was frantically trying to free her from the high chair (why they don't have a quick release i don't know!). So i tried to stay as calm as possible and was hitting her on the back, then folding her over my knee and waking her on the back and out flew a peice of ice...whew! it was so scary but in the back of my mind it will melt and thus come out....

A week later she decided to eat a 5nt coin...yes a coin (i still don't know where she got it from but still she ate it). She was playing and then i hear coughing (i was in the kitchen...i seem to be in there often!) i run out and ask her to say mummy to me, (i wanted to see if she was really choking or just coughing....maybe not the best idea) anyway she said "errhh...ummy" so i start to hit her on the back, this time my heart is really racing as i knew full well that it wasn't ice this time! oh my oh my i was so so scared, and praying over and over please let her be ok please!! I was waking her on the back but it wasn't working, i had to stop (for all of a milli second) and think what to do, so i bent her over and then waked her...out came a slimy 5 nt coin. oh my it was horrible. so frightening. I hugged her and hugged her and didn't want to put her down. It was impossible for me to tell her off at this point, i was just so happy she was ok. Why do kid's do that, it just freaks us out i tell you. I have to say that she hasn't choked since...and i pray she won't again. God was looking after her and keeping me calm enough to know what to do. Praise the Lord!

Franklin Graham festival

 Me, Sarah, Heather, lilly, Anna and Tilly!
Children's Day at the Taipei Franklin Graham festival.






So my dear friends Heather and Chad are here to set up the Franklin Graham festival, which happened last week. We went to the Sunday nights childrens thing on the 26th november, but at the time Sarah was just getting over some stomach virus...which left me at one point covered in noodles..pre-digested noodles...

Anyway, i wanted to go to the friday night music night but couldn't due to Sarah being ill, this time a throat infection. So on Sunday we took it really easy, didn't go to church (for the second Sunday in a row..which is rather rare for us), and Sarah slept a lot and by the afternoon seems fine, as she was jumpping all over the house. So i figure we will just get a cab and go for a little bit and see how she is, she may as well be jumpping there! We went and meet up with Heather and the family and then Ann and her hubby Steve joined us later with little Tilly. We had lovely evening with the kids running around and playing with toys (not to self: balls aren't a good idea at such an event!). I got to listen to the gospal and see lots of people hear it for hte first time. which is pretty amazing really. I don't know how many where there but it was a LOT of people!

Afterward we found that one of the members of Heathers family, the kids YaYa lost her purse. which was a real downer on the evening. We tried to look for it but to no avail. I felt really bad for her as this kind of thing normally happens to me. So i can understand how annoying it really is.

Some good news was that Katrina the woman that translated for me in court, is able to translate for my friends Dayla and Sean on Tuesday. They are off to court for their third son. I pray for them as i know it's such a scary time.

  Its almost impossible to get them all sat down at the same time...let alone looking the right way! 

hunting for spiders..in the zoo

 looking for spiders

We as in Tom Sarah and I all went to the Zoo on Saturday. It's the first time i've had with Tom and Sarah alone in a long long time. We don't often get to do stuff at the weekends as Tom is busy with his folks, play golf and the alike. 

So when he said we could spend the day together we had to decide what to do. There was mountain climbing / hill climbing, there was cycling along the river and then the zoo. I figured that Sarah wasn't feeling so great so mountain climbing would entail me (or Tom) carrying Sarah up a mountain...(there's lots of Stairs its not really a mountain more a hill with a walk way). I ruled that out. So we tried to hire a bike with a kid seat...but no luck where we tried. So we went to the zoo. which happens to be next to the bike hire place so very convenient.

Sarah was asleep at the start and Tom and i got to chat about adaption of plant and animal and how it's all so amazing ect...(biologist talking!) 

Then she woke so we went to the insect house which is quite nice...bar the dead insects mounted on plagues. They have a butterfly area with real living butterflies...we spent most of the time in there. Sarah loved it and learnt the sign for butterfly (not 100% right but close!). She also went hunting for spiders. she loves spiders and calls almost everything small and black a spider! the love is all from Itsy bitsy spider song i guess. We got some lovely shots of the butterflies as you can get so close to them...they are a tad drowsy, which makes me question what they feed them! (can you tell i don't trust zoos...)

 

Sarah had a little bit of a fever the night before but was playing and seemed alright. She's been scratching her ear really badly (eczema) and i started to think maybe it was infected. she also had an enlarged gland behind her ear (a little lump that comes up often in kids it's the immune system working hard /over reacting). I wasn't too worried as she was acting quite normal..

later she seemed really hot, and started to act out a bit more and her ear was bright red. So we took her to the hospital near by to check she didn't need antibiotics for her ear. However it turns out she has a throat infection. Poor thing i didn't even have a clue she had a sore throat. its so sad when they can't tell you these things. so i gave her some ice (she loves eating ice) and some medication (pain killers) and she was feeling a little more normal.

Tom took us home and Sarah and i had a restless night, and didn't get to go to the franklin graham festival music night.

New Teva's

I have new Tevas, they look like this: i haven't got a photo yet as the battery has run out on the camera and i forgot to charge it...

I am just glad to have new Sandals that won't be falling of my feet any time soon. 

As a kid i'd always take my new shoes to bed with me...i'm not too sure why but i guess i thought it was pretty cool that they are so clean and new you can take them to bed with you....needless to say i didn't take my Teva's to bed with me....as i wore them as soon as i (tom) paid for them!

The woman in the shoe said that i must have worn the last pair everyday...well she's right i guess. She also said i have very long narrow feet...ok they are narrow but the length is average in the UK...in Taiwan however it's the size of mens shoes! great huh. 

If i had to name just one thing i hate about living in asian its feeling so darn huge all the time (there are way more than just one but this it at the top of my list!). Everything i buy is XL or XXL in some cases..when to get a swimming costume and the woman looked me up and down and said XL maybe XXL!..it makes me sick. 

I therefore avoid buying any clothes as its just so embarrassing, and make me feel rubbish for the whole day. I'm just glad that i am too busy to think about what it mean and not to panic about the fact that everyone sees me as huge here, also i feel so bad for other westerners here that are bigger than me as i am sure they feel just as bad about themselves. I also console myself in the fact that its genetics oh and the diet your mother fed you as a kid! yep when in doubt blame your parents!

Sarah Stacks

So i put my head around the corner as Sarah's being really quite...normal isn't a good thing, in fact last week she'd draw all over the wall with a red crayon (it was water soluble so came off just fine). 

Anyway, this time i find she was stacking tins...i think maybe i should buy her some blocks to play with, as when these fall (which they did right after this photo) i think someone (Sarah or the cats) might get hurt. 

It is impressive how high she built it really, i mean she's not even 2 yet.

(oh and yes it's still hot here, hence the lack of T-shirt)

Tevas...time for a new pair?

So my Tevas are on their last legs...so to speak.

I have had them for 3 1/2 years and in the last 2 1/2 i've warn them almost everyday (since living in a hot country and not in the UK where you get to wear them about 6 weeks of a year if you are lucky!)

I've been reluctant to buy a new pair due to the cost, due to the lack of money....(ok one can say it's my own fault as i have choosen to adopt, chossen not to go back and get my phd, yet, ect....) 

But i think i will just have to fork out for a new pair.

I thank my  dear parents for helping me to pay to get Sarah's mother out of jail, and thus i don't have to worry about that expense. 

But shoes...everyone needs them, and when you live in Sandles you need new ones, and when you have doogie feet (like myself) you need good ones. not pretty ones no, just good ones that mean that you can walk and still carry that 9-10kgs of toddler when you need to.

So that me i'm splashing out on new shoes...now i just have to find a pair.

my beloved Tevas (which i am still wearing but i suspect they will fall off my feet soon)

21st Court date, what happened

So on the 21st October we went to court...

Scary stuff, i thought that Tom would go with me, but he had to play badminton for the Presidents cup..It's a big deal you know playing for the President of Taiwan ect...

So i thought i'd just go on my own, and then was told i really do need someone to go with me.

Tom really couldn't do it due to the fact that that evening (20th) he got really sick with some virus which both Sarah and i ended up getting later that same week..i can tell you it wasn't nice.

So my hunt was on for a translator...i had the morning to get someone. Thus panicked.

My friend Dayla (who has enough to deal with, 3 sons all under 3!) helped me out by brainstorming me who might be able to do it.

I emailed everyone but didn't want to bother Chad Hammond (Heather's Hubby) due to him being a "tad" busy... it was the week the franklin graham festival started, he's in charge, Heather was in Hong kong with the kids (had to leave for visa reason). So i was very suprised to Hear Heather on the end of the phone telling me that Chad might have someone to translate for me. 

What a BLESSING. 

the upshot was that the lovely girl, Katherine ( ..katrina..not sure oh dear thats a bit rubbish off me.) Called me and met me with mins to spare before we went in. I just managed to tell her the history before we went into the court...it was a close call. My thanks go out to her for dropping everything that she was doing to come and help me, someone that she doesn't know, and for free. 

In the court it was Mega serious, so i was very very pleased i had a translator! 

The judge was very formal and thus would not have spoken English even if he was fluent. 

The result was that the court was postponed as the judge wants to see Sarah's birthmother and not a representative...which we had.

Sarah's birth mother is currently in Jail, thus we have to pay (3800 nt) to get her out for the day.

We go back to court on the 19th November...i pray for Sarah's birth mother as it will be really really hard on her to face this. She wasn't able to face meeting Sarah just before she went back in prison this September, now she has to do that and face the judge...whom i am sure will not be kind to her.

http://www.goodtv.com.tw/program_main.php?pro_id=41&web_id=1#

this is a link to a lovely interveiw Chad and Heather Hammond did on Taiwanese TV. I think its a lovely interview about Adoption and their love of Jesus Christ. I don't think it will be up there for long, so it may not work.

Its all in chinese (not the interview but the website) you need to click on the blue button to watch the video. It's the one with "chad and Heather Hammond" written amongst the chinese characters.

Tabby

Tabby was found in a terrible state, she couldn't move anything but her little head...(a little kitten about 4 months old)

A week earlier she was a happy little kitten getting fed outside my friends house, and then i get a call from my mate telling me that she has found the cat and it's not really moving. 

So we took her too the vet, they aren't sure what happened but suspect a car or something hit her and damaged her back. on the x ray nothing could be seen but she couldn't move. She was treated for a  couple of weeks in hosptail and then i took her home to see how she would get on. She still couldn't really move her much, she could sit up and her front legs worked but would drag..if she moved her, back legs. Thus i thought to myself i will never be able to re-home her and was panicing as to what i will do with her.

Two weeks later and she was off her medication and walking much better but still sliding and not running like a kitten should be.

Forward a month and now, well now she seems just fine. she had a week's stay with the Hammonds that loved on her greatly and now she seems to be almost a normal kitten. however she is one of the friendliest that i've looked after (excluding the ones i've looked after from very tiny, who end up thinking that they are human...Pickles is an example of that!).

So here are some photo of this sickly kitten...not looking so sickly now a days!

Home Study

4th may 2007 first day i Sarah came home...just last week october 2008 my has she changed!

So we had our home studied for Sarah's adoption...

14th October 2008 (which also happens to be Anna's Birthday and Heathers 13th wedding anniversary, so a pretty special day to say the least)

The Saturday before the 14th i Firstly cleaned the house as best one can with a 21 month old little girl at your ankles...she some times was trying to "help" but often just really fed up with me not doing anything with her (the result is a little girl screaming and rolling around on the floor...not a pretty sight!)

Then my good friends Anna and Heather came over to help me really give the house a good clean. Heather entertained the two little ones, and Anna and i did the easier job of cleaning the house. (this depends on your point of view i guess!)

Tom came too and we all managed to get the house in a decent shape for the home visit.

So Sarah and the cats had just three day to mess up the house...they did pretty good but the night before i mopped the floors and gave everything the once over and on Tuesday morning (she came at 9am)  the house was, well not quite but almost, shining!

She calls me and tells me she is outside...she wasn't she was in a different block..i think i gave her the wrong number..opps.

The she comes in and asked me is the interpreter coming later...i thought she was bring one and she thought that i was...opps again! So i call Tom to the rescue

In the mean time i get her and myself a glass of water...all the time Pickles (cat) is in her face / bag/shoes/ paper work ect.. Then Pickles does her normal trick of drinking from the cup...the socal workers cup...opps...again!

As for her english is was (nee is) in fact almost perfect so we don't really need Tom for that aspect, but i really need him to entertain Sarah as she wasn't so happy that i had to talk to this lady and didn't want to play with her...resulted in her crying and climbing over my shoulder and then lying on the floor crying...doesn't look so good when someone is in your house to decide if you should be allowed to keep this child!

Tom came and Sarah and Tom had a blast! running playing, Sarah was Sarah again and the woman got to see that, which was wonderful.

We go and sit at the living room table to talk about my family tree. 

I'd left a document which i'd just filled in (all about my income out going ect..) i left it in the dinning room, i go back to retrieve it and find that my dear cat Pickles has eaten it! yes my cat ate my home work!!

Big opps there!

 I bring it to her and ask do you have another form i could fill in as it would seems my cat ate it...she was surprised at the state of the form and said no sorry i don't have another one, i'll email you it. I apologised and she said "it's stuff like that that makes life more interesting"....welcome to my world! stuff like that always happens to me. From that point on i figured she can't be thinking that badly of me..at the same time i am talking to her Sarah is running screaming, mummy mummy, and wrapping herself around my legs due to the fact tom is chases her.  ( a happy type of screaming i might add!)

As the woman leaves we walk her down the stairs and Sarah says in a military fashion one two one two one two (but in Chinese)... honestly i don't run a boot camp! Sarah did kiss her good bye and waved her off, very sweet indeed. She really did get a glimpse into our lives!

Pickles...and the form...what is left of it after she ate it that is!

Fun in the sun

a few weeks ago...i'm not that on top of thing as you might know.

So we went to the zoo,..again. It was a blazing hot day and Tilly and Sarah were loving being out. We were a tad too hot and thus sat down for a bit while the kids played and ate on the sun lounger. 

We stopped and played with water, which was just a row of taps with one long sink. Sarah managed to do the funniest of rolls that had Anna and i in stitching, she was leaning over to get to the taps, her tummy on the edge of the sink and her feet in the air then she managed to rolled along the edge of the sink! You had to be there i guess. but boy was it strange and funny.

Sarah's learnt to jump and does so all the time, she loves to jump and is very proud of herself.

I will try to remember that strange tumble of Sarah's as i still can't work out how she managed to balance herself so perfectly with out even trying too!